Saturday, May 15, 2010

Amma Ji

I was anxious for my IIM S result. The more i tried to stay cool..more the anxiety got the better of me.
I decided to move my mind ahead of the result and act as if i was selected and what all would i do after my selection?

The first thing that came to my mind was that now my roommate would have to change the house.
Second thing that i could think of was that our maid(Amma ji) would be left jobless.

Amma ji is a lady in her early 70s. Off late God has been really angry with her..Her husband stopped working,the only source of incopme stopped  ...in another few months he lost his mental balance. She had to take control of the family. She was battling her way out of this trouble..but God had more surprises for her. She lost 3 sons in a span of 2 years. All 3 sons left their children(6 in total) with her. 4 were somehow adjusted in there respective mother's family but 2 of them were less fortunate. After losing their father they lost their mother as well. Amma ji decided to take care of these two children and since 10 years she has been looking after these kids.

Amma ji earns Rs 1700 from our home and Rs 1300 from another house where she works.
I was feeling uneasy as to how will i tell Amma ji regarding her job being terminated? I decided that being a good employer, before leaving... i am going to pay her 3 months of salary(as this is how good employers fire their staff).
This was something i had learn't in the corporate world.
This was something that came under good management practices.
but still i didn't have the courage to confront Amma ji and give her yet another shock in her already troubled life..

All these thoughts were running in my mind and i was doing all the Post Result planning. Suddenely the negative devil came back and told me that all this would only happen ,if i cleared the Gd/PI process.What if my name is not there? What if i am not selected? Again anxiety started taking its toll on me.So many people are waiting for my result...what will i tell them if i don't make it this time also? These thoughts were taking away my happiness..i was feeling uneasy. My pain was that i wanted to get through to the IIM S.

With all these thoughts I was staring blankly on my laptop and thinking of how do i tell Amma ji about the pink slip.
Amma ji used to work so honestly and diligently that it was not at all her mistake ,but still she will be fired.

I was imaginging myself going to her and giving 5000 Rs in her hands and telling her the bitter truth.I knew she would cry and then i would have to console her giving her the resons as to why i can not continue with her.

I was imagining all this and Suddenely Amma Ji comes from the kitchen and with a smile asks me..
"Beta aap ja rahe ho padhne?"
I was perplexed as to how does she know that..may be my roommate has informed her..confused i answer
"Amma ji ..hmmm...abhi to nahi ...abhi to result aana hai,Pukka nahi hai abhi"
She kept her hand on my head and  blessed me like a mother...it was a divine sort of blessing..
"Beta aap pass ho jaoge.Khoob aage badho..aur khub taraaki karo..mere liye thoda ruke rehna aapne"

I was frozen as this was something i had not imagined...
She wanted me to go ahead and achieve my dreams and this was something absolutely pure.
My going away meant a 60% slash in her salary but still she blessed me for my future.
I was dumbstruck as to who was taking care of whom....
would i have reacted the same way if my employer would have asked me to move on and leave?

God has been so cruel to her..yet the faith has not shaken .
"Beta ji aap aage badho...bhagwan hai na hamara dhyan rakhne ke liye.Sab badhiya hoga."

All this while, in that moment it was Amma ji who was making me understand as if everything is fine with her and i am the one who needs to be consoled.
She was again and again reinforcing her belief in god...and by this time it was me who was about to cry.
I felt so small ,so non existent .
I felt guilty of cribbing my small little fear of not making it to IIMS.
Amma ji stood there smiling at all the adversities she has faced in life..it was as if these things don't bother her anymore.

I realised i had no right to complain...i had no right to crib..instead i should be thankful to god for all that he has done for me.

Next day i got my result and i wasn't selected...i was sad for a moment but then Amma ji came flashing to my mind. If she can be happy with all that that has happened with her....
i have no right to be sad. Atleast not in front of her....
I reached home and Amma ji asked about my result...
"Amma ji nahi hua.." I said with a sad smile..

Amma ji immediately made out that i was not my happy self...
"Are beta isme kya ho gaya ...aise ni hote udass.Sab hi lag gaye pass hone to sab hi nahi pahunch jaenge wahan... jahan pahunchana hai."

I was left frozen at the innocence and the concern that Amma ji showed at that moment.
I wanted to be strong in front of her...although i couldn't stop wondering...a few days ago i was thinking that i'll take care of her as an employer..and today the tables have turned...
Amma ji might not be knowing the best management Practices but she surely does know some other practises that all of us need so badly in our life.

I asked GOD to take care of her and give her some happiness atleast in the last few years of her life.

Amma ji helped me a lot in leaving the IIM S thing behind and move ahead on my path to my dreams...IIM s would have been a great catalyst but even without it ..the reaction has to occur.
It always does complete even without a catalyst...

22 comments:

Rookie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rookie said...

And people crib about HRM and HR Departments

saurabh said...

this blog was so touching.god bless people like amma ji and even give us strengths like her

Saurabh Singh said...

Great blog, Gaurav!

I am sure that reaction will complete, and it will not be the last reaction to complete in your life.

In this age of media overdose and broadband internet, we have learnt never to be satisfied... or at least not to remain satisfied for long.

However, your life is already a long chain of successes (completed reactions). You are a working software developer and a talented one at that. You have a great personality and your are easy to like. You are constantly trying to improve yourself, professionally and personally. Such qualities ensure a greater chance of success in life than an admission into a newly opened IIM. And, I don't believe that such qualities came into you overnight. They are a result of your experiences in life, or in other words, your past completed reactions.

Think for a moment that you had got through the IIM. Was that the ultimate goal of your life? I think it was merely a means to a greater goal. And after every goal, there is another one waiting for you. In this never ending race, the only meaningful success you can achieve is the knowledge that you live your life with dignity everyday and are a source of happiness for those around you.

Amma Ji may not as professionally successful as either of us in a traditional sense, but she has supported her children, her husband and now her grandchildren. The way I see it, it will take us a long time to be as successful as her.

"Pity the man who inherits a million and isn't a millionaire. Here's what would be pitiful, if your income grew and you didn't."

Abhishek Tondon said...

Here's an excerpt from an SMS, the author of this blog (read Gaurav) sent me hours after this result. We read such things in books, coming from a friend, after his own result, it was something I felt like saluting him for. Here it is:
_____________________
"..God's plan is too grand to be understood by me. All I can do is to thank Him for the experience it had for me. The actions will not cease. They'll still all be devoted to Him. And I'm sure, when the grand plan will unfold, I'll be thanking Him with all my heart. .."
_____________________

@the post:
Another fine example of expression. Lovely post.

@Saurabh:
Even though I didn't like Andaz Apna Apna, and for that you've told me not to talk anything but work with you, after reading this comment, I feel, there's a lot we can talk about. Loved this comment -- awesome.

Saurabh Singh said...

Thanks Abhishek. :)

When did I say not to talk anything but work with me? lol ... that is so unlike me. Do I really look like a no-nonsense hard working guy? :D

SANKET said...
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SANKET said...

It was really touched my Heart.
IIM missed out a great student.

prav said...

Gaurav, i was feeling bad and didn't have courage how do i react to you. Should i console you or should i discuss about the future. But your blog given me so much strength and motivation about pain. Truly, its our inability to see the the pain around us.This blog was special and lesson for life.

mrugesh wasnik said...

meri ...'kaise anshuman' wali haalat ho gayi ,...


ref: Jab we met

jeevan said...

It was really heart touching....
You have portrait all the characters with true feeling how a well wisher consoles and gives strength to us to fight back again and achieve another big goal.

jeevan said...

It was really heart touching....
You have portrait all the characters with true feeling how a well wisher consoles and gives strength to us to fight back again and achieve another big goal.

Gaurav Vashist said...

@Rookie..yeah very true...i think amma ji is in herself an academy to learn so much from.


@Saurabh -thanks bro...we definitely do need the traits of amma ji.

@Saurabh S- Thanks a lot for such a heartfelt and genuinely concerned comment.....
Ya the reaction will complete ...i am sure..that's why i called the IIM a catalyst..it was and it will always be a mean and never an end.
Goals keep changing and they should keep changing...with our income we have to grow...or else it's pity-able.so so true...


@Abhishek - Thanks bro....ya i mean it dost..he is a master planner and everytime some plan of his unfolds..i have always stood up and saluted him. So why should i doubt on this one also....

@Abhishek & Saurabh S-- Ya Saurabh you said that...but Abhishek ..stilll how can you not like Andaz apna apna....i think you didn't get the jokes Mere sath baithna i'll keep explaining :D :D .

@Sanky - Thanks bro...glad that you liked it...

@prav - Yar same was with me...i was not able to gather courage and tell everyone that i couldn't make it this year also.So i sat down and wrote this blog..i feel free and fresh to start all over again on my happy journey.

@Mrugesh - Bhai sahab i had to go to that scene in jab we met to really figure out what you were saying. Expression is perfect for this blog. Good one dost

@Jeevan - Thanks bhai...sometimes the best lessons come from the most unexpected sources.

Vishal said...

Remember that line from 2states "adding or removing a drop from the sea doesn't make any difference". Good to see your reaction after this. :)

Sandeep said...

kake mast... ill will share this post with many... i think we all just need to learn to be more grateful :)

Shamail said...

Now gaurav this time you deserve an appalause.

You made me read this spellbound.

But I am really sorry to hear the news :(
Oye koi nai, "sab pass ho gae to har koi ni pahunch jaega jahan pahunchna hai". Cheer up. Next time tu fodega..
"Mujhe pata hai tu kuch karega ek din..."

ManojBlogs said...

I really dont have words to describe how good this post is....
Everyone talks about their success ,glories.. but learning comes from the mistakes,failures..

and as u said once.. "everything comes with a purpose "

Touching it really was...and I am happy for both of you..

Keep up your "Never Say Die" attitude..

sumit said...

great blog, Gorav...

attitudegal14 said...

it was superb bro......may god give you wat all u want and may we all learn to smile too

Shveta Vashist Gaur said...

Listen brother,
this is the last time i'm telling you this. Thanks to ammaji i'm sure u r looking ahead. But this is how i look at it...
we run for things that we want...but life knows more than us...sometimes in the process of getting what we want, we can't see what we are meant to do.
the biggest IIM for you is YOU. You character, your life...no one can take that away from you. The ground you stand on is all you have,make the most of it. The best of us get the least from the world. What you may miss out on is the fact that probably u don't need an IIM tag cauz u r a tag yourself.
Look around and see that u r needed more where u are, u are an institution... we all are.
Don't choke the rythm of your life...it's playing its own music...that is distinct and melodious and very original...i hope i wasn't too preachy but as an elder sis i want u to pave a road that is not stereo typical..cauz i know u have the potential to create your own history without any external aid...
my wishes always with you...much luv

An (A)mateur Beginner... said...

Beautifully written. After a really long time I happen to visit ur blog. I wonder how can ur style be so simple and yet so emphatic.

Like It :)

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